Sunday, 26 May 2013

Can’t we all just get along?

In a word: no. I get on with most people, and try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but every so often I take agin’ someone and once I have taken said agin there is no coming back.
Just as I really really like some people from the first time I meet them, there are individuals I take a pretty much instant dislike to. I try to fight this and not make snap judgements. It doesn’t work. All it does is dampen the dislike so it festers, breeds maggots and becomes an altogether more virulent beast.
My hackles rise at the very sight of them, my ears smart at the sound of their voice and my lips purse violently in an attempt to avoid exclaiming 'oh do feck off / shut up!' as they whinge on about something incredibly dull. I find whinging extremely annoying and dull chat, well, very dull, so when the two combine it's like a perfect storm of pet peevery (it’s a word…)
It’s particularly unfortunate (for me) when I get stuck with one at work, where it is quite inappropriate to exclaim 'oh do feck off / shut up!' when they’re whining on about how hot/cold it is in the office for the 327th time. I manage to avoid throwing things at these types through a mighty combination of self-restraint and headphones. Thank you Nathaniel Baldwin, thank you (for the headphones, you can keep the Mormon stuff).
Luckily (for me and my co-workers) most of my aginsters are of the celebrity variety and I can release the tension that builds up on sighting them by screaming at the TV. These ‘famous’ people I dislike intensely (hate is a strong word, but if the cap fits…) include:
  • ·       Jedward (Louis Walsh – I will never, ever, forgive you for THEM)
  • ·       Bruce Forsyth (national treasure my arse)
  • ·       Piers Morgan (I think we can all agree on that one…)
  • ·       Amanda Holden (fake phony forgery of the highest order)
  • ·       Alex Salmond (trout-faced moron)

Please note that said intense dislike extends only to the aforementioned shouting at the TV. A troll I am not (although I do tend to look like one after a night out). This is merely my personal opinion and if you want to consider Brucie a national feckin' treasure, you go right ahead. But you might want to consider counselling of some sort at the same time. I find him incredibly annoying and mildly creepy (in a Yewtree kinda way…)

Hungover / hater